The Heaviness of Guilt
A Path Towards Acceptance and Self-Compassion
Last week, while thinking about what to write for the blog, I realised that I want to start talking about these topics on the podcast as well. Some people prefer listening over reading, and sharing them in both places feels like a beautiful way to deepen and integrate everything we explore together.
Guilt is something I have carried for most of my life. Ever since I was a child, I had the habit of apologising for everything, even when it wasn’t my fault. Over the years - and with the help of some truly valuable therapy sessions - I’ve been able to reduce this constant need to say sorry. As my therapist once told me, over-apologising is often the response of someone who has learned to survive by staying small, being agreeable, or, in my case, by feeling overly responsible for everything and everyone.
When I entered menopause, something shifted inside me, and I stopped over-worrying and over-apologising. I also stopped feeling guilty for my decisions, and even for my actions.
However, there are still some days when guilt sneaks in through the smallest cracks. Sometimes it shows up after big decisions, but other times it arrives over the smallest things: not answering a message on time, cancelling a plan, taking a moment to rest. And even when I try to ignore it, that inner voice comes back again and again to tell me I didn’t do enough, that I could have been better, or that I should have acted differently.
For a long time, I believed guilt was a kind of moral compass I had to follow without question. But lately, I’ve realised something important: the guilt I feel often doesn’t come from my deepest values, but from learned beliefs, expectations that aren’t truly mine, and roles I’ve carried without noticing.
I’ve discovered that many of us grew up hearing, directly or indirectly, that we must handle everything, that we shouldn’t fail, that we must always be kind, available, strong, and “perfect”. And when we can’t reach that impossible image, guilt appears to remind us that, according to that script, we’re falling short - that we are not enough, that we are not trying hard enough.
One day, I gave myself permission to ask:
Is this value really mine? Or is it something I learned just to fit in?
That question marked the beginning of a shift.
At that moment, I started to accept who I was and who I had become. I understood that I needed to stop fighting against myself. To stop punishing myself for things I could not control. To speak my truth when I didn’t want something.
And a new path began in my healing journey.
Acceptance: Stopping the Fight Against Myself
Acceptance arrived like a soft exhale. Not as surrender, but as a way to acknowledge what I feel without fighting it. Accepting that guilt shows up doesn’t mean it’s right; it means I’m listening. I’m giving myself space. I’m choosing to understand myself better.
I learned not only to listen deeply, but also to act accordingly: to speak up about what I did or did not want, to ask for help when I needed it, or simply to say no when I couldn’t.
When I practise acceptance, I tell myself:
Yes, the guilt is here… and that’s okay. I don’t have to hide it. I can observe it and decide what I want to do with it.
I began to embrace those moments, receiving guilt as a part of myself. It lives within me, and I know it may be with me for the rest of my life. However, I have space for guilt - and that is the powerful gesture.
Receiving it. Embracing it. Letting it go with compassion.
Self-Compassion: Speaking to Myself the Way I’d Speak to Someone I Love
Then self-compassion appeared, almost like a patient friend. I had always been very hard on myself - super strict, constantly questioning how I would act or speak, and over-analysing how my behaviour might affect others.
But one day I realised something simple and profound: I would never speak that way to someone I love. So why was I doing it to myself?
I started with small gestures:
A hand on my chest.
A deep breath.
A gentle hug.
And a kind phrase:
You’re doing the best you can. You don’t need to punish yourself for being human.
At first, these gestures felt small. I slowly began to introduce them into my yoga practice, compassionate movements, gentler sessions on days when everything felt heavy, restorative postures when my shoulders were too tired to hold space. I added more meditation and self-observation.
Very slowly, something inside me began to loosen. Not all at once, but gradually - like a sunrise.
And guilt felt lighter. Smaller. Sometimes, it even disappeared.
My path is not finished, but I have begun introducing these practices into my classes as well. In a way, I am honouring guilt by giving it space without letting it take control.
If you learn to speak to yourself the way you speak to someone you love, you may be amazed at how much your life begins to change.
Living With Less Guilt Doesn’t Mean Never Feeling It
I now understand that living with less guilt doesn’t mean it will never appear again. It means it no longer controls my life. It means I can look at it honestly, respond to it when it makes sense, and let it go when it’s only trying to tie me to old beliefs.
Above all, it means remembering that I am learning, that I am imperfect, and that this is okay. I try to stay present, to accept my flaws, and to embrace them with compassion and love.
So if you feel that guilt that questions everything, I want to tell you something from my heart:
You’re not alone.You don’t have to be perfect to be enough.You are enough.
Acceptance and self-compassion aren’t the final destination; they are the path - a gentle, human, deeply personal path. And every step we take on it brings us closer to a lighter, more honest, more authentic life.
Please stop punishing yourself. Try to be compassionate. Give yourself love. Be patient.
You may be surprised by the transformation that follows.
If you feel called to share, I would love to hear about your experiences with guilt. Please feel free to write to me and share your story.
To support you further, I’ve written down some of the exercises I practise in my classes, along with a few others you can easily introduce into your daily life.
Somatic Exercises to Release Guilt
(1) Hand on Heart + 4-Count Breathing
Place one hand on your chest.
Inhale for 4 seconds.
Pause briefly.
Exhale for 4 seconds.
Repeat 6 times.
Why it helps: Lowers internal tension and creates a sense of safety.
(2) Grounding Through the Feet
Sit or stand with your feet planted firmly on the floor.
Notice the points of contact: heels, toes, soles.
Press gently into the ground for 5 seconds, then release.
Repeat 5 times.
Why it helps: Brings you back to the present moment when guilt pulls you into your head.
(3) Containment Hug
Cross your arms over your chest, as if giving yourself a hug.
Apply soft, steady pressure.
Breathe and feel that support for 30-60 seconds.
Why it helps: Signals safety and calm to the nervous system.
Simple Daily Practices
1. Replace “I should” with “I choose”
Every time you notice the thought I should, replace it with:
I choose to do this.
I don’t choose to do this right now.
Why it helps: Restores your sense of agency and reduces internal pressure.
2. One Kind Phrase a Day
Choose a short phrase to carry with you, such as:
I am enough.
I’m learning.
I deserve rest.
Why it helps: Repeating kind phrases gently reshapes your inner dialogue.
3. One-Minute Pauses
Three times a day, pause and notice how you feel - without judging.
A simple way to practise acceptance.
4. Celebrate a Rest Moment
Once a day, stop.
Take a deep breath.
Rest for five minutes and repeat:
I’m resting because I need it, not because I earned it.
Why it helps: Guilt softens when rest becomes a need, not a reward.